Waggs Walkabout

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

From the Back Seat (November 2015)




My favorite Russian is learning the difference between fiction and nonfiction literature. This morning on the way to school, he interrogated me on all the book titles of which he could recall and I helped him sort them into the appropriate category. He then proceeded on to television shows, then things people had told him. When we got to the urban legend of there being crocodiles in the sewer, I sighed and informed him that the concept was undoubtedly fiction. Despite the fact that we were driving in the blinding snow with temperatures hovering at freezing, he wasn’t willing to accept the fact that there were no giant reptiles living in the sewers of Denver, Colorado.

 
This is why I pity the people that try out reason my son:  “Mom, is Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs a fiction or non-fiction guy?” I explained that Mike Rowe was a real person not just a character on a tv show. The voice in the back seat then suggested that we call Mike Rowe and ask if he thought there were crocodiles in our sewer. I reiterated my views on reptiles in the snow. The response was “Maybe we can send an email and invite him for a cup of tea and a cracker, to be polite, and then he could look in our sewer for a crocodile.” At this point, I said “Sure, we can give that a whirl.”  This is why it might be MANY YEARS before we give this child open access to the internet.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

The Voice From The Back Seat

D: "When you take Spruce for a walk, and he poops, how do you pick it up?"
Me: "Yes, responsible dog owner always pick up after their dogs. It's pretty gross, but I use a plastic bag on my hand to pick it up."
D: “If your pet is a cat, do you have to pick up its poop with your hands?”
Me: “Well, in the city, your have to train your cat to poop in a litter box and then you have to use a little shovel to scoop out the cat poop.”
D: “Do you have to pick from poop from a horse?”
Me: with a sigh “Well….if the horse lives outside in a pasture, you don’t have to, but if you horse is in a stall or small pasture, you might need to clean it up, but you get to use a tool with a long handle.”
D: “Can horses swim?”
Me: “Yes, they can swim.”
D: After a very long pause, “If you take your horse in deep water, does he need one of those special masks and that tube thing in this mouth?”
Me: While biting my cheek, “No, horses don’t need snorkel masks.”

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Children are the reason we are crazy!



This picture has nothing to 
do with the post other than it 
is of the reason I am crazy.
As we were getting ready to head out the door to soccer this morning, I asked by darling child if he had brushed his teeth. After a long pause, he hesitantly said yes. As the mother of a seven year old, I know that most answered must be verified. My follow-up question was “If I feel your toothbrush, will it be wet?” This resulted in a big sigh, a hanging of the head, with a negative shaking motion.

Although he has been practicing his skills of deception lately, he is a horrible liar (thankfully!). I proceeded to pitch a bit of a fit about the fact that lying is not tolerated in this house. I will admit to getting a bit carried away with the topic and was possibly more dramatic that needed (maybe). I marched him into the bathroom and stood there like a drill sergeant, prepared to glare at him throughout the brushing. He reached for the tooth brush and touched the bristles. He turned to back to me with an enormous smile and said “Hey Mom, it’s wet, maybe I already brushed.”

And, that’s why my left eye was twitching before noon today.

My own mother often blamed my siblings and I for making her crazy and I always thought, she was just being irrational. I now get it entirely.

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

The Voice From the Back Seat



D: “Hey Mom, who is the guy singing this song?”

Me: “I don’t know the singers name, but the band is called the Scorpions.” (Rock You Like a Hurricane, was playing on the radio.)

D: “This is my new favorite song. I bet when this guy grows up, he’s gonna be a real good rocker.”


P: With a big smile, “I believe you’re correct.”

Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Things You Learn on the Way to Work

Here's a list of the things I heard this morning from the voice in the back seat:

Dad is slow because he is even older than the Spruce (the dog).

If summer day camp caught on fire and the firemen came, it would be fire camp.

If a milk tanker would pull up next to the Royal Dairy home delivery truck, they could stick a big pipe in the delivery truck and fill all the jugs really fast.

If you don’t watch enough TV, you will get a headache.


Last but not least - “Hey Mom, you know why I talk so much?  I splain lots of things so you can understand things better.”


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Big Sighs From The Back Seat

D:  Hey Mom - I need to grow really fast.
Me:  Why do you need to grow fast?
D: Cause I was born in a different country.
Me:  Why does being born in a different country necessitate you growing fast?

D:  (Big Sigh) That’s just the way it work, and you not get a vote.

Hmm - wonder where he gets that attitude??????

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Things You Hear at the Dinner Table


There were many disjointed bits in the middle, but here’s a synopsis of tonight’s dinner conversation:
Dennis: “Mom, you know what’s been on my mind?”
Me: (thinking - there’s a loaded questions, if there ever was one) “No, what have you been thinking about.”
Dennis: “It is very windy today.”
Me: “You are right. It was very very windy day.”
Dennis: “It was, and today we not take our who whos outside in the wind.”
Dave’s chin was instantly buried in his chest. I laid my fork down in an effort not to drop it while containing the insane urge to giggle.
Me: “That certainly sounds like a sensible idea. What sort of who whos do you play with at school?” (sometimes, I can't stop myself)
Dennis: “The big round kind that you twirl around.”
I lost my ability to speak while holding back tears of laugher.
Dave: “Dennis, do you mean hula hoops?”
Dennis: “Yeah, that’s what I said. We not take our who whos outside in the wind, cause they will blow away today.”

That’s gonna be funny for a long time.